Accepting Rejection: Insights from 50 Years of Creative Journey

Encountering refusal, notably when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. An editor is saying no, giving a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am familiar with setbacks. I started proposing story ideas half a century past, upon finishing university. Since then, I have had two novels rejected, along with book ideas and countless pieces. In the last score of years, specializing in personal essays, the denials have only increased. On average, I face a setback multiple times weekly—amounting to more than 100 times a year. Cumulatively, denials over my career exceed a thousand. Today, I could have a advanced degree in rejection.

But, does this seem like a complaining rant? Far from it. Since, now, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted being turned down.

How Have I Managed It?

For perspective: By this stage, almost everyone and their distant cousin has rejected me. I’ve never kept score my acceptance statistics—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: not long ago, a publication turned down 20 pieces in a row before accepting one. A few years ago, over 50 publishing houses declined my memoir proposal before one approved it. Subsequently, 25 representatives passed on a nonfiction book proposal. One editor requested that I submit articles less often.

The Phases of Setback

Starting out, every no stung. I felt attacked. It seemed like my creation being rejected, but who I am.

No sooner a piece was rejected, I would go through the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, disbelief. How could this happen? Why would they be blind to my talent?
• Next, refusal to accept. Maybe they rejected the incorrect submission? This must be an oversight.
• Third, dismissal. What can they know? Who appointed you to decide on my labours? You’re stupid and the magazine stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, frustration at those who rejected me, followed by self-blame. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a masochist?
• Subsequently, pleading (often accompanied by delusion). How can I convince you to acknowledge me as a unique writer?
• Then, sadness. I lack skill. What’s more, I’ll never be any good.

I experienced this for decades.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in fine company. Tales of authors whose books was initially turned down are plentiful. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was initially spurned. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then perhaps I could, too. Michael Jordan was not selected for his youth squad. Many US presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in elections. The actor-writer says that his movie pitch and desire to star were declined numerous times. “I take rejection as an alarm to rouse me and get going, not backing down,” he has said.

The Seventh Stage

As time passed, when I entered my senior age, I achieved the final phase of setback. Understanding. Currently, I better understand the multiple factors why a publisher says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have recently run a comparable article, or have something in the pipeline, or just be thinking about something along the same lines for another contributor.

Alternatively, more discouragingly, my idea is of limited interest. Or the evaluator believes I don’t have the experience or standing to fit the bill. Or is no longer in the field for the work I am peddling. Or was busy and reviewed my work too fast to see its value.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be declined, and for any reason, and there is almost little you can do about it. Some explanations for rejection are always beyond your control.

Manageable Factors

Others are under your control. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may sometimes be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and impact, or the idea I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe an aspect about my writing style, especially commas, was offensive.

The key is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve written several titles—my first when I was in my fifties, the next, a memoir, at older—and more than numerous essays. These works have featured in magazines big and little, in regional, worldwide outlets. My debut commentary ran decades ago—and I have now contributed to that publication for half a century.

Still, no blockbusters, no signings in bookshops, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no prizes, no big awards, no international recognition, and no medal. But I can more readily take rejection at this stage, because my, humble accomplishments have eased the blows of my many rejections. I can now be reflective about it all at this point.

Instructive Rejection

Denial can be educational, but when you pay attention to what it’s attempting to show. If not, you will likely just keep taking rejection all wrong. So what lessons have I gained?

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